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Health & Well-Being

How are you connected to your partner?

It doesn’t take much to imagine that certain pairings might work better than others. For instance, combining anxiety and avoidance styles could be a nightmare. The emotional detachment of avoidance individuals plays directly into the abandonment fears of their anxiety attached partners. On the other hand, it’s possible that two avoidance styles might work out. These partners will probably have a peaceful co-existence, although there’s not likely to be much emotional bonding. It’s also possible that two anxiety styles can work. Although they might drive each other crazy, each can relate to the other and so they may be able to provide reassurance to each other in times of insecurity. Of course, a person with a secure style would make a good partner to either of the other two. Although an anxiety or avoidance partner may try their patience, a securely attached partner may provide enough stability to make their partners feel safe, protected, and secure.

For couples who have chronic problems, attachment styles might be a reason. Events may serve as triggers, but it may be how partners react to events, rather than the events themselves, that disrupt their relationship, and that’s determined in part by attachment styles. For example, a partner who comes home late might be grilled on their whereabouts by an anxiety-attached partner — it’s not about being late, but how being late is interpreted.

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