Unfortunately, there’s not much advice to be offered if your partner truly can’t be trusted. You can try to discuss the issue, but that’s not likely to lead to a meaningful solution. If they’re really untrustworthy, how can you believe their promise not to be? The hard truth is a relationship without trust cannot flourish long term. It’s extremely difficult to disregard or de-emphasize such a flaw in your partner, because its existence will leave you feeling insecure about your relationship and that in turn makes it hard to feel emotionally connected.
However, if your mistrust is more perceived than real, or is based upon very minor transgressions that should be overlooked, then the issue comes down to your perspective, and that’s something that can be fixed. If you believe all or most people are untrustworthy or dishonest, or you often feel suspicious about other people’s motives, then you might want to consider that your inability to trust your partner stems from a broader personal problem. Individual therapy can be very effective in developing strategies that will help you cope with mistrust.
Keep in mind that learning to trust is certainly worth the effort. Not only will it improve a marriage, but it will help you in other relationships and can improve your overall psychological well-being.
Dr. Primavera is a licensed psychologist, professor and dean at Touro College in New York. Lou had a private practice as a marriage counselor for 25 years, and writes for Psychology Today on personal and relationship issues. He is the author of a number of books and articles on the subject.
