Breathing room is important for a marriage, and here’s where husbands can help their wives — encourage them to take a mini-vacation from their responsibilities. Of course, for her to do so, she will have to be assured that her home and family will be fine, and a big part of that assurance includes taking on the responsibilities she’s trying to get away from. While that sounds like work for the husband, the reality is doing so is actually in his best interests. A break away from responsibilities makes a wife happier, and when wives are happy, husbands feel the same way.
We should also mention that a couple’s time should be split between spouses-only versus with children. While we all love our children and grandchildren and we like to be with them. that can be overdone. The fact is our children are not our peers. They’re in a different life stage, and so have different needs, concerns, and interests. Our peers, on the other hand, share our problems and interests, and make us feel connected to the outside world.
It really just comes down to balance and compromise. A mix of time with friends and family, time together as a couple, and separate time for each partner add to marital quality and let’s you get all the benefits of different types of social interactions. If balance is missing, it’s wise to have a straightforward discussion with your partner to get to a better place. Dismissing the issue as unimportant is wrong-headed. The negative emotions that result from how you use time could affect other parts of your relationship. Besides, time allocation can be relatively easy to fix, so it’s best to eliminate it and have one less thing to worry about.
Dr. Primavera is a licensed psychologist, professor and dean at Touro College in New York. Lou had a private practice as a marriage counselor for 25 years, and writes for Psychology Today on personal and relationship issues. He is the author of a number of books and articles on the subject.
