Sometimes partners will bring up an issue indirectly by making jokes or off-the-cuff comments. However, sugar-coated issues might not be taken seriously or dismissed completely. So, while remarks made in passing may allow you to sidestep a difficult confrontation, they may not get your partner to recognize that an issue is real and important to you. Straight to the point discussions, on the other hand, convey the seriousness of the issue and will get your partner’s attention.
Unfortunately, an honest and frank approach won’t mean confrontations will never ever get heated, or that your partner will be happy to hear what you have to say. For sensitive issues, it’s best to be prepared for a backlash. Your partner might feel attacked or inadequate because he or she isn’t living up to your expectations or meeting your needs. If your partner reacts defensively and turns the conversation negative, the trick is to not rise to the bait. Remaining calm, supportive, and empathetic can limit the intensity of their reactions.
Within this vein, sometimes it’s the message rather than the communication style that can lead to anger or resentment. Your partner may regard an issue as particularly irksome, or may consider your request to be above and beyond what’s reasonable. Then you can use a quid pro quo strategy — if you have a request, be prepared to make concessions. Exchanges can be a good way to moderate conflicts: your partner can justify giving in because he or she is getting something in return.
