A frank conversation doesn’t mean using honesty as a weapon. Brutal honesty — presenting an issue in a way that is hurtful, embarrassing, or humiliating — is essentially beating up on your partner, and that’s destructive. Being sensitive to your partner’s feelings gets the point across, but with less risk of a counter-attack. The words you choose and the attitude you convey affects how your partner feels about you, regardless of the issue. That should provide motivation to be honest, but also thoughtful and considerate.
It’s a good idea to pay attention to your spouse’s reactions as you present your side of the story. Watch their body language and listen to their words so you can gauge whether your message is understood and not taken as a personal attack. From their feedback, you can make real-time adjustments to what you’re saying and how you’re saying it. If your partner appears uncomfortable or is getting angry, tone down your emotional expressiveness or choose softer words. The point is to keep your partner engaged and focused on the issue so that the conversation can reach its logical conclusion.
