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Integrated Wisdom

Danger: Do Not Do During Pandemic

You and your back will thank me.

You can go anywhere these days to find information about how to act during this Pandemic. There are hundreds of well meaning sites that will tell you what to do during this difficult time. Most of us lucky ones are self quarantined (Props to those of us making other’s daily lives bearable by being on the “front lines”), so spending time indoors has become a cottage industry. You can find out about classes on everything, free movies, Yoga, dance along, potting, planting, cooking and the list goes on like the pet food aisle at Walmart.

However, we here at agnituslife.com are into giving you the other, perhaps safer, side of popular info, and telling you how to feel free again even though you haven’t had a good pizza in months. 

Here we go…  {Yes, this does come from personal experience}

Do Not Tell your wife/husband you will help clean the house. Even though you live there and want to lend a hand. Believe me, you don’t have to read any further, just don’t do it.

After watching my dear wife cleaning,  to paraphrase the great Jackie Gleason. “ I opened my biiiiig mouth!”.  “I can help, honey, be happy to assist you”. Those were the last words I remember before waking up in the emergency room with a back that looked and felt more like the Chinese alphabet.

My wife readily agreed and gave me a list of chores to fulfill, while she worked on her own list.  Before I could even put on my rubber gloves and Fanny Farmer apron she was back. 

“Use this organic cleaner on the glass only, then use this one one the walls in the shower.  Now on the toilet we use this Urine remover and on the carpet and cloth furniture this is all you use, and not too much of it. You can use the wood cleaner to do the cabinets and the table in your office and if you want to try to clean the electric socket plates, just use this one. Don’t skimp with this one, those socket plates can get grimy. 

When you do the floors put this packet  is a gallon of warm water, not too hot, just warm and use the mop. Not the Swiffer, that’s not heavy enough.  Also move all your books and instruments into the next room when you do the dusting and move your desk into the middle of the room so you can get behind it to dust and mop. Pick up the electric cords from the router and the computer and make sure to empty the paper shredder. You don’t have to worry about giving it a thorough cleaning just wipe it with a damp cloth.  Please do the walls in the bathrooms because they get streaked from the humidity after we shower.

That’s a good start. I’ll check with you later to see where you are.”

Where I was, was changing my rubber gloves and Fanny Farmer apron in for a full Haz-Mat suit and astronaut heavy boots.

“I’m good to go now”, was another beginner’s mistake. As I was getting to the first dusting room, in came my sweetheart and advised me of the heavy machinery I would be using. (Glad I did not have a second Scotch at breakfast!)  “Use this green vacuum, not the heavy blue one, and connect the attachments only as you use them. Don’t drag  the attachments with the vacuum, it pulls them apart. You can spray the disinfectant on the walls with the large sprayer the small one will take too long. If you want to use the electric broom, you can but just be careful because it sometimes rides over the cord and that shuts it off.  The little robot that cleans the floor is OK but in your office make sure he doesn’t stumble over the computer cords.” 

Sounds simple enough.  

Good thing we have a burro living in our back yard to carry all this stuff.

So, off I go to give life and limb for the sake of Cleanliness.

As the dulcet sounds of the green vacuum are humming through my ears and my back and legs are barking pretty good, I wonder how I ever bitched and moaned about how much we pay the blessed woman who cleans our house when things are ‘normal’. Bless her heart, if she isn’t due for a healthy raise.

Please keep us all healthy, and hopefully this thing ends quickly, so I don’t have to furnish more Don’t Do It tips….

But if it doesn’t, I got a million of them for you.

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Agnitus: (Latin) — Recognition, acknowledgement.

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