Once you’re able to replace an irrational belief with a more rational one, you will find that your emotional reaction will be different. You won’t be as angry or frustrated, and you won’t be emotionally agitated for days. Instead, you’re likely to feel better about yourself and less disenchanted with your spouse. You’ll also find that, because you’re not as emotionally rattled, you’ll have an easier time communicating with your partner about your issues. So when you find that you’re experiencing overly negative emotions over something your partner has said or done, challenge yourself. Think about why you feel the way you do, what’s really at the heart of why you’re so upset. Then look to make adjustments to the beliefs that are beneath your reaction, and then confront your partner about what really is upsetting you.
We are not saying you can’t become annoyed or that you shouldn’t confront your partner when you’re annoyed. We’re saying that demanding or expecting them to be a certain way can get you into trouble. When we demand something, we are not prepared for not getting what we want and this lack of preparedness can only lead us to feel angry and frustrated.
