This is all about you.
My wife asked me to cut all the lawns around the house, pull all the weeds from outback and put the patio furniture inside before it rains. I told her I would, but that I was writing and would have to push it to another day. This is what I came up with…
I am a purist. I like what I like and don’t bother with the other stuff. Pure and simple.
One thing I don’t like is buying other people’s junk. Especially when it becomes a sport. Let’s not get started on “Commodity fetishism”* — that’s certainly for another time. But here’s where I prove myself wrong.
The other day while reclining in the local YMCA sauna bath I overheard a pair of women discussing travel arrangements and buying tips for what seemed like a hostile takeover of the local flea-market. Now this excites me. I picture two hundred strong, men, women (and others) with black garbage bags tied to their utility belts, two hundred plus pairs of black rubber gloves, and of course the mandatory 200 cans of pepper spray. Not being able to contain myself I slowly arise and explain that I overheard the strategy and that I would like to join up. (Even though I’m not in fighting shape at the moment).
They both look at me as if I am crazy, and now I know that I am in the right place. Neither of these dolls would ever break security. Not even for a family member in peril.
Finally after much ‘sizing each other up’, the taller one says.”OK. You’re in”. My heart jumps. I’m drafted to over throw the powers that be.
Hardly.
When all I said and done, the idea is even more interested than rescuing Grandma’s old house dress from some yuppee BMW driving Devi.
Instead, we are headed out to the Worlds Longest Yard Sale. This is no joke. If you don’t believe me, at least trust Google. The scientists at that venerable institution had this to say
“August 1-4, 20??. The 127 Yard Sale is an annual event that takes place the first Thursday-Sunday in August each year. It’s literally, The World’s Longest Yard Sale! The route spans 6 states (Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama) and is 690 miles long.”
Put that in your pipe!
Now that we know the objective, we can move our troops. We’re good in four states for free housing. We’ve got 26 places along the route that will feed us, and we got rolls of quarters, single dollar bills, five dollar bills and even a few tens and twenties. Nothing Bigger. We’ve got two relatives who own garages, just in case, and the locations of the local churches and synagogues, one mosque, and a Buddhist temple a few miles from the route.
We’ve got four vehicles in our caravan, three which are either SUV’s or pickup trucks and one old guy driving a 2007 Prius. I guess he’s the one making the beer runs. We are set.
We leave the next day at 5.45 am. We drive till noon then halt for lunch at Bar’B’ Que Sam’s for a hearty barbecued rib repast.
I am juiced. Until I realize I am a vegan, no ribs for me… no family of this crew is serving me vegan food, plus I hate buying other people’s crap. Damn.
Am I making a mistake here, or am I heading out into the (mis)adventure of a life time…I’ll let you know…after I load my yard sale goodies and am heading back home
* commodity fetishism” term coined by K Marx in the 19th Century
