Harold’s experience…
Harold, a fifty-six-year old man engaged to be married for the second time used anger in anticipation of closeness. Here is what he had to say:
“I was very attracted to Andrea. We both had incredibly busy weekdays with highly responsible jobs. We spent the entire weekend together, and I really looked forward to being with her, being with her sexually, as well as just hanging out. But, as much as I looked forward, I always managed to pick a fight with Andrea on Friday night and screw up the weekend.
I would promise myself I would not do it the next weekend, but there was always something that bothered me and I couldn’t help myself, I would lose it. Sometimes I would leave in a rage, other times I stayed but we weren’t intimate sexually. Finally, I went back to therapy and figured out that I was afraid of the commitment after coming through a horrible divorce. When I worked that out our time began to go much better. It is incredible that my fear sabotaged me that way. My anger felt very legitimate, but it was a defense. That’s frightening!”
