Moving on to emotional support. Women are generally more comfortable giving and receiving emotional support, and it’s easier for them to relate to other people’s problems. Women also value support more, and the extent to which they receive it has a lot to do with how they feel about her husband.
Many husbands, on the other hand, value support less and prefer not to discuss their problems or let on their distressed. Many just prefer to handle things on their own. Usually they’re more comfortable talking about a problem after they came up with a solution and the issue was resolved. Then it becomes more of a story rather than a cry for help.
Possibly because they prefer to not talk about their own problems, they’re less tuned into other people’s distress, including their wives. A wife is right there for her husband, but if she’s waiting for here husband to pick up on her cues for help, well, that could be a long wait.
They also differ on the type of help each provides. Men look for and give instrumental support, that is, they try to provide specific advice as to how to fix a problem. You have a plumbing problem? Here’s how to fix it, or here’s someone to call. Women, on the other hand, give purely emotional support, that is, empathy and sympathy, and that’s what they want for themselves.
When a husband tells his wife what she needs to do to solve her problem, that’s probably not what she wants to hear — she really wants understanding and a discussion of options. Even if his solution is good, it may be unhelpful because it doesn’t take into account her feelings. If she then acts like he hasn’t helped, these discussions become scary for the husband because he expects to get it wrong.
